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In-laws driving me crazy!!
robertswifey327 | March 20, 2009 | reply
jjordan | March 26, 2009 | reply
I am sorry you are having to deal with this on top of dealing with the adjustment of becoming a mom. As if it's not stressful enough! It is difficult to keep the peace when you are feeling criticized and also like maybe your husband isn't prioritizing your needs and feelings. But, your needs and feelings are extremely important and I think if you say nothing at all this is likely to fester into something worse. I say be polite, but be firm. I'd be direct and just let your mother-in-law know that you are very happy that she wants to be involved, that you of course value her help and suggestions, but...you are really determined to take all the information in and then make your own decisions regarding the care of your baby. I agree that she probably is not doing this with any mal intent. It's possible that she is worried that you don't need her, or that she won't be as involved as she hopes to be if she doesn't insert herself and her opinions. M-I-L's often just want to be reassured that they're loved and wanted. If she does say something that you feel is kind of an attack on your judgement, just clarify with her what you are receiving on your end. Say something like, "OK...let me see if I'm hearing you right. I think what you are saying is that you don't agree with my decision about such and such." Once you are able to be clear on what exactly she's trying to say, you can let her know how that makes you feel. If it hurts your feelings, or makes you feel judged, let her know. I have a feeling she'll apologize profusely and back off. Better yet, she may kiss your butt a little to get back in your good graces (not that I'm suggesting you be manipulative :)...but hey, whatever works). I have a daughter and two sons and worry that when my sons marry that their wives won't want to come to me as much as they will their own mothers (it's natural for women to want their own moms). I hope I don't end up going over board when they have kids, but if I do, I think it will be because I'm insecure myself--not because I doubt their abilities, but that I hope they don't doubt mine.
Lots of love and sleep to you! Good luck and remember, this too shall pass.
Snappydoodle | March 20, 2009 | reply
First off, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!! What a wonderful, exhausting, overwhelming time this can be! Your hormones are all wacked out, your sleep schedule is upside down, and you're embarking on the crazy rollercoaster of mommyhood. Instincts, what instincts? And you've gone back to work, so the whole sleep/hormone thing is compounded by having to have at least part of a brain in your head!
What role does your MIL play in your life? Is she the caregiver while you are at work? If so, then perhaps you will just have to tell her, as gently as you can, that this is YOUR BABY. She had her turn, now it's yours. This is your mountain to climb. (you may have to find a new babysitter lol) Or, you can say, "thanks for the advice. I'll take that into consideration." And then just keep on keepin' on.
If she is not your caregiver while you are at work, may I suggest that you also limit your time with her until the opinions die down. If your husband doesn't want to confront her - that's understandable. He's getting his daddy-legs and that's hard, too - especially if he's not in the habit of facing her head-on. But if she's been opinionated about your life this whole time (how was she during your wedding planning? Does she criticize your choice of bath towels? Nail polish color?) she certainly isn't going to change now.
Perhaps while she is at your home you can excuse yourself and take a much deserved nap or bath. Or, take that time to go run an errand, or make a phone call in another room. If you leave the room every time she enters it, she'll get the point.
Good luck and enjoy your baby!
jjordan | March 16, 2009 | reply
AlisonWatters | March 16, 2009 | reply
As a mother of four children I will tell you the best thing you can do is to follow your own instincts. Breast feeding is not for everyone. I've done both types of bottles and my children are happy and healthy and bright. You also can not spoil a baby with too much "tummy time,." you are forming a bond with the child you cared enough to bring into this world. Tell your in-laws you've down research online and have reached the conclusion you're making the right decisions for your baby. My in-laws were and are the same way, even after 15 years. Listen to your husband, ignore them and enjoy your precious little one.
Marina | March 14, 2009 | reply
