I received a phone call the other day from a frantic woman, who asked, "What am I supposed to do with two teenagers who refuse to get along? They are having a problem blending, and it's making life difficult for me and my husband. With all the tension, anger and yelling, I'm ready to pull my hair out!"
On the surface, this problem seems to be about typical teenage rebellion and the normal stresses encountered when you try to blend two families. It's normal for there to be some tension for a while as everyone adjusts to a new family dynamic. However, as I dug a little deeper and asked her for more details, a very different picture began to emerge.
I asked how long they'd been married.
"A week and a half." (Really?!)
And how long did you date one another?
"Three weeks." (Okay...can you see where this is heading?)
And how long has everyone known one another?
"Well, we introduced the kids to each other the morning we got married."
Wow! I wasn't even sure where to begin.
The problems this family is dealing with are much greater than normal blending dynamics. To begin with, there are the unrealistic expectations. Did they really expect his son and her daughter -- both teenagers! -- to blend seamlessly after knowing one another only a week and a half? Did they really think that "surprising" their kids with a wedding and new family after only dating for three weeks would be a good thing?
Then there are issues with communication styles, impulsive behavior, and general disregard for the feelings of others. This family has a LOT of work ahead of them. That isn't to say that they're doomed to failure. With hard work and communication, they just might make it. It depends on whether or not they can commit to the long haul.
It kind of puts our own family problems into proper perspective, doesn't it?
No stepfamily is perfect. No family is perfect, when you really get down to it. We need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Do the best you can with what you've got, and let God handle the rest.
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