A woman from Haiti had been visiting her son in Phoenix, and was flying to Los Angeles to visit her daughter.  Her son got permission from the airline to walk with his mother through the security lines to her gate and instruct her about boarding the airplane, since she spoke no English.  After getting through to the gate, the son explained to his mother (in French) what to listen for, and where to board the plane.  He could not wait with her as he had to get to his job.  She cried a little bit as her son hugged and kissed her, but she put on a brave smile as she waved goodbye through her tears.  After he left, the woman sat stiffly in the airport chair, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief, anxiously looking at her watch and then at door through which she would board the plane.  She seemed to be on the verge of panic.

A moment later, a smartly dressed woman with a briefcase sat down in the seat next to her and asked, "Parlez vous Francais?" ("Do you speak French?")  Upon hearing those words, the Haitian woman visibly relaxed and smiled with relief. 

It turns out that the second woman was from Quebec, Canada, and had been passing by the gate on her way to baggage claim when she overheard the conversation between the Haitian woman and her son.  Hearing her native tongue had made her pause, but when she noticed how visibly anxious and tense the Haitian woman was, she felt compelled to sit down.  The two women spent the next hour chatting like long-lost friends, until the Haitian woman boarded her plane. 

We all need someone like that.  Someone who can understand our fears.  Someone who knows the ropes.  Someone who senses our anxiety, and comes alongside us to let us know that we aren't alone.  Someone who speaks our language. 

For "us grown-ups" in blending families, that person could be a friend or someone you know from church or work, who also happens to live in a stepfamily.  Don't be afraid to ask them questions -- what has worked for them, what's "normal," how did they deal with unruly stepkids, how did they manage their marriage, their ex-es, and everything else; ask them if they have any advice!  It's a great idea to network with others in blended families -- you'll probably find out that you aren't the only one whose life seems crazy.  There is no law that says you must travel this path alone -- find a fellow traveler!

As for the stepkids, perhaps YOU could be the someone that speaks their language.  You remember what it was like to be a kid or a teenager, right?  As a stepparent, you have the advantage in developing a relationship with a kid who may need an unbiased adult to talk to.  Being a stepparent means you won't have the same judgmental attitude as their biological parent -- lots of stepkids are able to open up to a stepparent.  So talk with them.  Remind them that you understand that there are a lot of changes going on in their life, and some of them may not seem fair.  Then LISTEN.  Let them vent, and don't take any of it personally.  You may not be able to solve the problem, but sometimes just saying something out loud makes it easier to deal with.