One of the things I find most interesting about living in a blender is that there is no "normal."  Everything is always changing.  Nothing stays in one place for long, and nothing is stagnant. 

Here's an example: Last year my daughter Zoni (then 16) decided she wanted to go live with her dad.  We have a great relationship, and she seemed pretty happy living in Arizona, but she missed her dad and wanted to move to Las Vegas to live with him.  So she packed up her belongings and moved.  It changed everything in two households.  This sort of thing doesn't happen in nuclear families -- only in the blender.
 
Or how about the email I received from a very confused grandmother.  Her son has a daughter, aged 15, and his new wife has a 16-year-old son.  Apparently the teenagers have taken a liking to one another, and were asking Grandma why it wasn't OK for them to date one another!  After all, they reasoned, it's not like they are blood relatives, right?  If their parents hadn't gotten married to each other, this wouldn't be an issue.  Under the best of circumstances, teenagers can be hard to live with, but this is not "normal."
 
Then there is the man who is fighting through the court system for custody of his two daughters.  Unfortunately, his ex-wife took them to South America for a vacation this winter but didn’t return.  The poor guy doesn't know how he is supposed to go to work or play soccer with his stepson, when he doesn't know if he'll ever see his daughters again!  And how is his current wife supposed to deal with this?  How can they have a "normal" life?
 
Unfortunately, one of the realities of being in a blended family is that it can feel completely overwhelming, confusing, and bizarre at times.  It is not "normal."  Situations come up which would never occur in a traditional, nuclear family.  You want to do the right thing, but you don't know what the right thing is!  Nothing seems fair.  You can make yourself crazy trying to keep everyone happy.  The truth is, people act out of pain, and sometimes they do bizarre things for reasons that no one understands.
 
So here are some Do's and Don'ts for dealing with a scary stepfamily situation:
Don't try to make everyone happy.
Don't take anything personally.
Don't make rash decisions.
 
Do what you can do:
Do take deep breaths.
Do spend time in prayer.
Do what is best for the children.
Do spend time with your kids and your stepkids.
Do love your spouse and lean on each other.
Do talk to a friend, a minister, or a counselor.
Do take every situation with an eye to the eternal perspective.  
And most of all, do count your blessings. There is something positive in your life to be grateful for.