Self-esteem is simply defined as the image one holds of oneself.  How does a child develop self-esteem?  When babies are born, they have no concept of self.  But as they grows, they receive information about the world through other people and things through interaction.  Essentially, it is the patterning of the adults who surround children that influence them the most.  Children, of course, comes into life with their own personalities.  As parents, we can see our children's little personalities shining through from the earlier ages. 

You see your children's minds as open vessels -- although their personalities are there, all the patterns of thoughts are taught by the adults who surround them.  It is not until children are older when they are able to discern, and either reject or embrace certain thought patterns.  However, any rejection does not usually take place unless a child gets older and feels blocked in some way by a thought pattern or "certain ways of being."

Parents must take responsibility for educating the minds of their children.  There are numerous people in the world that are more than happy to mold the mind of our precious children if we are willing to relinquish that right.  If your children are young, you may balk at this idea and tell me that no one other than you is going to influence them.  But think about the power of television on the minds of your children.  That television is actually training their minds.  Think about the commercials that promote fast, sugary foods as delicious, the cool, amazing "must-have" toys with meals, and all the pretty little girls with the latest fashion accessories, or cool boys with lots of friends playing with the latest toy cars.  Everyone wants to have fun, and these children certainly look like they are having a great time.  And so the comparisons begins.  Not only that, but the relentless pursuit of material possessions begins as well.   

Believe it or not, comparing to these "simple" commercials is the first way our children start to understand self-esteem.  They may not feel accepted or 'in style' if they lack these coveted material goods that are shown to them.  They see hand-picked model/actor children and start to compare themselves -- and then we wonder why teenage girls do the same with popular magazines.  We must teach our children from the easiest age where true value lies.  It is not in the images or marketing that is pushed upon them -- their true values lies within.  Value is inherent in each and every person, but kids must be taught this in order to understand it correctly. 

How do you teach children to value themselves?  You begin with honor.  Honoring each member of the family means truly connecting with each person in your household.  It means sitting down for a family meal each and every night without the television or computers.  It means not letting children play video games for six hours on Saturday, but rather taking a family walk in nature and really connecting.  Honoring someone shows appreciation for who they are.  It lets a child know we are more than the clothes we wear or the cars we drive.  These habits must start when your children are young.  Values must be taught, expected, and exemplified as a lifestyle -- not just an occasional activity when grandma comes to visit.       

Children derive their self-esteem from a strong set of values.  They feel good about themselves knowing that their life truly matters, and that they make a difference.  When your family has a strong sense of value and connection, children naturally feel high self-esteem. 

In addition to living by solid, impeccable values, another important component in children's self-esteem is children knowing that they are loved unconditionally.  Children make mistakes, as do adults, but this does not make them bad children.  Mistakes happen to make room for learning.  When children feel that they are loved unconditionally, their self-esteem soars!  Children need someone who believes in them and who will love them always.  There is no better feeling in the world than knowing that they have these things.  So love your children unconditionally, and more importantly, continually show your them that you do. 

Next, rethink social and school standards.  Children are under a lot of stress these days.  And this is because they are constantly put under pressure to perform for tests and prove how great they are.  Is this really necessary?  What about the joy of learning for learning's sake?  Be careful about the pressure you put on your children.  You are your children's advocate and must stand up for them.  Additionally, as a parent, you must guide your children and let them know what really matters in life.  This brings your children back to the value of self, other people, and all living things.  

Finally, open the dialogue and keep it open.  Allow room for your children to speak without judgment.  Children have an extraordinary ability to interject novel ideas into many circumstances.  Take joy in that and reap the benefits. 

By implementing these guidelines, your children are well on their way to high self-esteem, which will have a lifelong impact in all areas.