We got off to a good start for the New Year. I wrestled, sat my daughters down, and had them write thank you notes for the gifts they'd received over the holidays. It was an almost Norman Rockwell-ian moment: the winter sun shining into the breakfast nook, its sunbeams touching on their bowed heads, which were bent over little brightly colored squares of cardstock, the scratching of pens, the asking of how to spell something. I sipped my coffee, imagining the look of pride on their grandparents' faces as they received the notes. I felt all warm inside at how well-perceived we would be by friends, teachers, godparents -- me for my superb parenting skills and the girls for their thoughtfulness.
Yeah, right!
Flash forward five weeks later, when said notes tumbled off the catch-all counter in the kitchen (where all the clutter resides) -- stamped but never mailed. So much for the global appreciation of my superb parenting skills and the girls' thoughtfulness! Even worse, we were now up against Valentine's Day and my older daughter's birthday, with more notes to write. Better late than never, I thought grimly as I high-tailed it down to the post office and dropped them in the mail. But now that their notes are safely in the mail, I have to confess something dreadful. You see, I hadn't written mine! That's why their notes were gathering dust on the counter -- I had put them there to mail out along with my thank you notes. But I procrastinated, and then forgot, and there you have it -- hardly a great parenting example, am I? It was a real "do as I say, not as I do" moment.
So why this procrastination? I'll let you in on two big, dark secrets:
- I'm a writer
- I'm a sort of (self) styled Manners Mom
For years I've been struck with writer's block whenever it comes to writing notes. "She's a writer," I'm convinced people think as they open the envelope, expecting my message to include the perfect metaphor, or iambic pentameter, some great literary references, or other life-changing nuance. This writer's block extends to the team birthday/promotion/sympathy/goodbye card at work. It lands on my desk while someone waits for me to jot down a brilliant message, because I, after all, am the writer. I chew my lip, circle my pen in the air a few times before putting the tip to the surface, finally scribbling in the usual "Have a Great Day," or "My Condolences," or "Good Luck" so that I don't hold up the card circulation. It's professionally embarrassing that I can't think of anything original to say -- because let's be honest, when "Hope it's great day" or "So sorry" are taken, it's sort of hard to think of something else when under pressure!
With thank you notes, I think I burned out after our wedding and, a couple of years later, when our daughters were born. I agonized over saying the perfect thing on probably hundreds of notes, striving for a personal connection to a gravy boat or baby bath towels that would make the giver's day. And since then, I've procrastinated and almost always not sent them, because I keep putting off writing them. Because I, the writer, don't know what to say.
Now, the (self) styled Manners Mom part. Years ago, my daughters and I came up with the idea of making good manners placemats. They helped me come up with the manners examples. Although we are not etiquette experts, we do have a passing knowledge of manners -- and not sending people thank you notes is a big no-no! The pressure's just been too much. Wouldn't you agree?
However, I like to think that you can teach an old dog a new trick. So I recently had a change of heart, or more like it, perception. Of course, I always enjoy receiving thank you notes, and I envy the fact that the sender is able to get his or her act together. I realized that it didn't matter to me what the note said (or if the sender was a school teacher, a doctor, a child or a Nobel Laureate), just that the sender thought enough about me and my effort to thank me for it. To write a thank you note to the gift giver or the hostess isn't about ME and all my hang-ups, after all.
So that was my New Year's resolution -- to send the dratted things and make a good example for my children to follow -- and like most resolutions, regardless of my own particular idiosyncrasies, it was already broken. I took a deep breath, grabbed a stash of notes and forced myself to write. Nothing rhyming, nothing awe-inspiring. Just a heartfelt "Thank you for thinking of me." It wasn't easy, but it should get easier and faster to do, with time and practice, right?
Related Conversations
