Preparing for a new baby, you think about how you're going to incorporate her into your life, but what about preparing for the changes your husband/boyfriend will go through as he becomes a Dad?  You will both be discovering what kind of parents you want to be and you should think about how you can bring out the best in each other. 

Moms-to-be, here are five things new Dads want you to be prepared for: 

  1. Mom is the biggest factor in determining how involved Dad gets. The more encouragement and support Mom gives Dad, the easier it is for him to become the father he wants to be.  This starts before the baby is even born.  Tell him what a great dad he'll be and try to get him to think about what kind of dad he wants to be for your child.  When he knows you have faith in him, he'll get a confident start with the baby.  Once the baby is born, mom has to watch out for gatekeeping (see 3 below).  Often, Mom is the only support a Dad will have.  She probably has access to dozens of mommy support groups, while he won't have many other new dads to talk to, so your support and encouragement has that much more impact. 
  2. Dad will fall head-over-heels in love with the Baby, but he might need time.Dad didn't get nine months to create a connection with the baby, so even if that first glance after birth doesn't melt his heart, they will eventually bond over diaper changes, bath times and games only a dad could invent.  Give it a little time (and encouragement) to get the bond between them going.  The more time Dad gets to spend with your little one, the stronger the connection will be, laying the foundation for a lifelong bond. 
  3. Gatekeeping is enemy #1.When mom tells dad "not to worry" about taking care of the baby, takes over baby care or criticizes how he's doing it, she's gatekeeping.  It's an issue a lot of new moms and dads struggle with, but if you take time now to decide how you will handle it, you'll both be able to stop the behavior dead in its tracks once the baby comes along.  Gatekeeping hurts mom and dad's relationship, keeps dad from bonding with your baby and can effect how Dad interacts with the baby into adulthood. Know that he loves the baby as much as you do and wants to spend time with the baby too. 
  4. The more time Dad gets with the baby, the saner Mom will be.New moms talk about how difficult it can be taking care of a newborn and how they feel they have to "do it all," but the more Mom shares the baby with Dad, the less pressure she will feel to be a super mom. Let Dad change, feed, bathe and play with the baby.  He can handle it by himself.  The more one-on-one time Dad gets with the baby, the more confidence you will both have in his parenting skills and the more time Mom will have to recharge and reconnect. 
  5. Dad's way might be "different" and that's good for baby.As long as the baby is safe, fed and clothed, it doesn't really matter how Dad got it done.  In fact, it helps your baby's development to be exposed to both parents' ways of doing things. Dad is more likely to engage with silly noises, funny faces and tickling while Mom might prefer holding and singing.  Different approaches activate different parts of your baby's brain, making those little synapses fire.