"Hey, can I borrow your husband?"  Now, we know a hammer, hedge trimmers, a cup of sugar, or an egg is not an unusual item for a friend or neighbor to ask us to lend out -- but a husband?  This request puts a whole new spin on what one might "borrow."

My good friend and colleague who made this request didn't need Jim, my hubby, as a strong-armed man to wrestle a heavy piece of furniture up the stairs nor an escort for a holiday party, but, rather, some help with completing insurance forms.  She needed his expertise on the subject -- and only for a short amount of time.  This was how the request "to borrow" was imitated.

Pris is one of a circle of girlfriends I have who are either divorced or widowed.  She is quite content in her status as once married, now single.  She is well-educated, has a profession which she enjoys, and a full social life.  She doesn't need nor is she looking for a permanent male in her household -- a borrowed man is fine, but not perfect!  She can use (not abuse) him and send him back home to me once he has provided her with the information she needs.

I am quite happy that I can loan Jim out to Pris and or other girlfriends who may need some advice regarding house maintenance, websites, or other skills for which Jim is known to be highly proficient.  His abilities and his graciousness in helping is greatly appreciated.  And, that is the key word here, not borrowed, but "appreciated."  As his wife, I sometimes (no, most of the time) take his ability to do so many things for granted.  My friends give him the kudos that, as a wife, I tend to forget to give.  Wives often see their spouses' abilities and attributes as part of the package of being a married couple.  We do our thing (cooking, the laundry, etc.) and our husbands do theirs (house maintenance, yard work, etc.).  In our household, Jim takes on another position: Computer "techie."

I mentioned this "borrowing" exchange to a male colleague who was quite surprised that this relationship worked so well for my single friends and, that I was comfortable with it.  He commented, "In most situations where there are two women, one male, someone gets jealous.  One female feels the attention is being taken away from her."  I guess he is thinking of that old adage, "two's company, three's a crowd."

At a young age, girls seem to be in tossed into the role of appealing to the opposite sex.  Attracting and wanting male attention was quickly learned.  I have even noticed how girl infants seem more attracted to male voices, attending to the lower vocal tones of whatever man is in the room.  As females, we grow up learning what it takes to win over the men in our lives.  I am sure each of us has experienced women who are so relentless in acquiring males, that they lose valuable female friendships.  

Early on, I valued my long lasting female relationships, treating them equally as important as the relationships with the men in my life.  Entering this mature phase of my life, I find these friendships even more valuable.  We have had years to share good and difficult experiences, be supportive of each other, and lend shoulders and ears.  A highly-prized compliment for me came from a single friend (never married) who told me that other women did not include her in their couples' groups.  They definitely saw her single status as a "two's company, three's a crowd." type of scenario.  They excluded her as the "lone" female.  She appreciated Jim and I for our inclusion of her, whether it was just he and I or with other couples.  

The adage, "neither a lender nor a borrower be" doesn't faze me.  Pris, Judy, and Susan are welcome to borrow Jim for his help.  He gets some well-deserved appreciation, and I feel good about helping out a friend -- a win-win for all involved.  Of course, all this works fine as long as Jim remembers to do those things requested by Pat first!