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We all know it is important to be consistent in parenting but it's hard to be 100% consistent.  Consistency is especially hard in the middle of the night when we are tired and not thinking clearly about how to get a child back to sleep.  And we need to be consistent, not just individually, but as part of a parenting team.  Parents need to talk about their goals, making sure they agree on them so they can present a united front to the child.  Ideally, caregivers or grandparents who are frequently with the children should be brought on board.  Sending mixed messages to even a very young child will only cause frustration for you and your child as he or she searches for routines and predictability.Behavioral scientists call mixed messages "intermittent reinforcement" -- meaning sometimes you give in, and sometimes you don't.  Babies, toddlers and other young children can't decipher what type of behavior merits rewards, and what type of behavior does not.  Will you change your mind if yo... read more »

1. Planning and Priorities.  Parents don't make their child's need for sleep a priority.  Once your child is sleeping well, you have a little more flexibility but until then, make sure you don't get distracted and bend rules all the time.  Sleep needs to come first!2. Inconsistency.  Parents are often inconsistent both at bedtime and in how they respond to night wakenings.  For example, one night a mother might feed a child back to sleep; other times she will rock the baby; and another time she will bring the baby into the parents' bed in desperation.  Even a very young child can get confused, and inconsistency can lead to more tears, not less. 3. Late bedtimes.  Children need on average 10-11 hours of sleep at night for the first 9 years of their lives!  Too late a bedtime and skipped naps will create poor quality sleep, more night wakenings, and an overtired child. 4. Letting children use "sleep crutches."  If babies or toddlers are allowed to fall asleep being nursed, bottled fed... read more »

Parents eagerly wait for their babies to start sleeping through the night -- but strictly speaking there isn't really such a thing as sleeping through the night.  We constantly transition and cycle between light sleep and deep sleep (REM or dream sleep, and non-REM).  As we switch from one phase to another, the change in our brain activity often wakes us up a little bit.  This is called a "partial arousal" and we all experience it.  We may roll over and mumble or, every three or four hours, we may be a little more alert -- up just long enough to adjust a pillow.  But we fall back asleep and we scarcely remember it in the morning.  But the trick is that we know how to put ourselves back to sleep.  An infant or toddler who has never learned how to fall asleep on her own won't be able to put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night.  So for these children, a "partial" awakening during these natural cyclical sleep transitions becomes a full awakening, and one that requires you t... read more »

Many babies and young children develop "sleep crutches" or "negative sleep associations."  They use this crutch or association to get to sleep -- and then they need it again when they wake up at night, meaning that when they experience those normal partial arousals we all experience during the night, they can't get themselves back to sleep without you coming to supply the crutch.  The behavior by itself isn't negative -- we should nurse, rock and snuggle our children.  What's negative is how the child associates that behavior with falling asleep, and how they can't get to sleep or back to sleep without it.  Your job is to help change that association in their little minds.  Here are some helpful tips: Bedtime feeding:Nursing or bottle feeding your 6-month-old or older baby to sleep is only a problem if it is the only way you child can fall asleep or get back to sleep at night.  If your child is nursing himself to sleep at night, or in the middle of the night, or just briefly sucklin... read more »

Parenting is especially difficult for adults whose own parents were not consistently and reliably nurturing, and/or who did not provide safety and protection.  The early attachment between an infant and a parent is critical to an infant's survival and the foundation for a child's mental health and emotional development.  All of the parents I have worked with want the best for their babies.  Many of us want our children's childhood to be better than our own.  Often we worry about falling short of being the "perfect" parent.  Don't be so hard on yourself -- there is no "perfect parent."  And being a good parent is well within our reach. WHAT IS ATTACHMENT THEORY?Attachment theory has its roots in the 1950s when English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth conducted pioneering research on infant attachment.  "Attachment" is used to describe the bond between a baby and a parent.  Bowlby and Ainsworth identified four types of attachment -- 3 insecure and 1 se... read more »

#1. If I skip my child's nap, he will sleep longer at night.  Also, the later I put my child to bed, the later he'll sleep in the morning.Sleep Lady: The more overtired you allow your child to get, the more wired he'll get -- making it harder for him to get sleep and stay asleep.  I know it sounds counter-intuitive but the later your child goes to sleep, the earlier he'll wake up.  #2. Children not sleeping through the night for the first year or two is a fact of life.  It's not worth it to try to battle them. Sleep Lady: There is no reason to have sleepless nights for a year or two!  Yes, for a few months, but even around two weeks you can start gradually laying the groundwork by developing a flexible routine and expanding your soothing repertoire for your baby.  By six to eight weeks, putting your baby down drowsy-but-awake at bedtime is possible.  In addition, healthy babies six months or older who are growing well can often sleep 11 hours at night.  Although teething, illness an... read more »